Fatness Is Not A Moral Failing

"What happens with fatness is that they see it as a moral issue, a moral failing. So, when I'm speaking about my experience, people tend to come back with, 'Just change it then.' Which essentially means: If it's hard for you or people make assumptions about you then you should just change yourself."  These are words that Emily Braden shared with me when I interviewed her to be a part of the SHE project (a collection of original songs written about inspiring women I know).  Emily and I had known each other for years already and I thought I knew her pretty well, but I was astonished to hear what her experience as a fat-bodied woman was like when I sat down and asked her to tell me more about it.  What she said was so striking that I wanted to share it with you.  

Emily continued:

" People don't realize the damage of that message that you're not OK to just exist the way you are and be treated with respect and dignity and be given as much value as the next person.  That message of you could just change yourself is the message of: Don't love yourself as you are...you're not OK as you are.  And I fully disagree with that.

This idea that I'm in a temporary state, that I should change to the 'true' me is inaccurate and it's unfair.  And whatever I choose to do with my body should be on me.  It's not about fitting into something.  The times I feel sad about my body or think about changing my body, most of it's because of the external feedback I'm getting. Very little of it is actually how I feel in my own body.  I feel pretty great in my own body."

I know this is a bit controversial to bring up as many people see this kind of conversation as condoning "unhealthy" behaviors.  I don't really want to get into that because I believe there are people who can approach that argument with more knowledge than I have.  I just wanted to offer you the opportunity to really  think about what Emily saying here.  As a culture, we are just starting to recognize fat-shaming when it's happening.  It might be considered one of the last frontiers of recognized prejudices.  Treating someone like they are "on their way" to being a complete person is just gross and very conditional love.  Every soul is equally valuable and innately worthy of love.  That is not negotiable.

The wild thing is that I think a lot of people do it so much to themselves that that may be why they don't recognize it as a prejudiced act when they do it to others.  I've heard so many people talk about how they "need" to lose some weight before they go after what it is that they are passionate about/their big dream.  We often believe that the fat on our body decreases our worth and we put ourselves into an "on the way to being worthy" status.  I would argue that a work-out routine/diet that stems from this kind of energy is not all that healthy either.  It's often punishing in nature and not getting to the root of what it really means to be a healthy and whole person.  Unconditional love for ourselves and unconditional love for others is the ultimate healthy state.

What kind of decisions would we make if all of that shame was not a part of the equation?  What kind of conversations would we have?  My guess is healthy, beautiful ones!  The desire to love up our heavenly bodies no matter what they looked like at the moment would spill from us.  That's what I wish for you.  That's what I wish for me.   That's what I learned from Emily.

A clip of "Heavenly Body" (written for Emily Braden by Nancy Harms and Arne Fogel) Performed by Nancy Harms, Katie Gearty, Nahon Holloway, and Mary Louise Knutson at the first SHE Gathers event in MPLS, MN (August 2019)

Heavenly Body will be released on Nancy Harms' SHE album in November, 2019 on Gazelle Records.  Pre-orders will be available at www.RisingShiningSHE.com !

Learn more about Emily at EmilyBraden.com and on follow her on social media: #songbody